By Sadee Bee
Underneath my favorite tree / I bury pieces of me /
A jar of baby teeth / from when my innocence still
existed / bunches of hair / torn out to assuage my fears /
Jagged, chewed pieces of my nails / a habit I can never break /
A razor / from the first time I shaved my legs / another from the
first time I learned to bleed instead of feel /
My first tube of lip gloss / hastily tossed aside / only when a
man far too old said what lip gloss was for /
A tattered piece of my first blanket / a first glimpse at warmth
and comfort / which slowly faded as I grew / I bury the first pair
of underwear I ruined / when my mother told me I was finally a woman /
I never quite understood what that meant / for I was only a child /
My first training bra which only fit comfortably for a month / then
all of my tight shirts / to hide from ogling eyes and unwanted
advances /
Piece by piece / under my favorite tree / I buried all the things I
never wanted to be / but could not run from / Unable to hide
from the gazes / the expectations / the taking of innocence I
did not want to give away / That is a piece I cannot bury /
One I’ll never get back /
Womanhood is a gift from biology / Femininity, a choice and a curse /
Existing as either/ a target to those who stopped seeing me / as a person /
When I buried my baby teeth /
Sadee Bee spent her time creating her own stories both on paper and in life. Diagnosed in her early twenties with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and C-PTSD; she spent a long time trying to make sense of her own world and mind. Poetry, personal essays, and occasionally fiction have been an outlet for heavy feelings and past traumas. Sadee uses her work to shine a light on the hidden parts of mental illness and the effects of childhood trauma. She also speaks about her specific experiences regarding trauma and mental illness as a Black, Queer woman in Black spaces.
